Marijuana Use Linked To Testicular Cancer | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Marijuana Use Linked To Testicular Cancer | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

You have got to love the Onion... too funny.

DEA Agents Say Where Did I Leave My Gun?

Well this isn’t directly related to marijuana legalization issues, but since it demonstrates the over all incompetence of the Drug Warrior’s of the USA I thought it fitting that I blog on this one. According to ABC News DEA agents have a hard time keeping track of their weapons. Now I can understand the thefts, not much the DEA can do about brazen thieves who steal DEA weapons from hotel rooms while the agent is on the balcony, but some of the ways the DEA agents lost their weapons are beyond ridiculous.

Can you imagine what would happen if your average Joe had a hand gun that he left in an airport bathroom, wow what would happen to him? But for the DEA that is not a unique situation. DEA agents are apparently leaving their guns everywhere from supermarkets, to trash bins, to the roof of their car. Worse still these agents aren’t even reporting the loss of their weapons in a timely or proper fashion, they wait weeks months or sometimes years to report the loss. I think perhaps the DEA is using a little too much of the very products they are working so hard to prohibit.

Now where did I leave my bong, oh ya on the roof of my…. damn never mind.

Pizza Hut: Eat, Laugh, Share

A Fort Smith Arkansas Pizza Hut manager was arrested on charges of possession of marijuana with intent to deliver and possession of drug paraphernalia. Apparently Aaron Massey, the manager of a pizza hut in Fort Smith had been selling marijuana along with the pizza through the drive thru window. Now there’s a business idea with lots of potential.

Apparently Massey and other employees were smoking up while working someone complained. Investigators managed to find 6 ounces some scales in Massey’s briefcase.

This certainly casts Pizza Hut’s slogan of “Eat, Laugh, Share” in a different light now doesn’t it?

New Terms For Highs

After all this heavy social commentary and talk of studies relating to marijuana use and abuse, I thought I’d inject a little lighthearted fun into the blog. To lift the spirits of all the Weed Warriors out there who visit my blog. Something to discuss amongst yourselves and have fun with. I encourage all you Ganga Guardians out there to post some fun terms you have come up with or across dealing with the responsible use of marijuana.

When discussing the different highs one can get some friends and I thought about the effects one gets from mixing alcohol and marijuana, and we thought we needed a word to define how one felt. The problem was we determined two distinctly different types of highs one got from the mixing. So we came up with the following terms. Feel free to use them yourselves.

Strunk – A light happy kind of high resulting from mixing alcohol and marijuana. Derived from Stoned and Drunk.

Droned – A sleepy unmotivated high resulting from mixing alcohol and marijuana. Derived from Drunk and Stoned.

Combining drunk and stoned was of paramount importance in determining these terms, however the combinations were determined because Droned sounds sleepier and more dazed out, also since marijuana tends to make one giddy it seemed important to emphasize the stoned part first when talking about being Strunk.

Tongue Firmly In Cheek

It has come to my attention that a plant more dangerous then either Cannabis Sativa or Cannabis Indica is available on the market and is being abused by millions every day. Like Sativa and Indica it is a member of the Cannabaceae family of plants.

Humulus, known by its street names as ‘Tettnanger', 'Spalter', and 'Saaz', has been growing in popularity right under our noses since time immemorial. Dried buds of the Humulus plants have a high methylbutenol content which has a troubling sedative effect on the central nervous system. What’s worse, is when fermented with various other grains becomes a highly potent beverage which dulls the mind and impairs judgment radically.

Chronic abusers have been known to become violent, gain an unhealthy amount of weight. Recent studies demonstrates that consumption of Humulus infused beverages indicate that use may increase the risk of lung cancer and kills brain cells “Excessive intake of [humulus]… kills brain cells” says a leading expert on Humulus, Dr. Clavin.

Our children are experimenting with this deadly drug, just look at the statistics:

• In 2006, 45.1% of students in grades 9-12 consumed Humulus infused beverages
• 35.3% of 8th-graders and 70.2% of 12-graders reported that humulus is “fairly easy” or “very easy” to get.

Studies indicate that youth who abuse humulus are at risk for:

• lower graduation rates, higher drop-out rates
• lower GPAs, lower academic achievement, higher school failures
• higher incidents of unplanned sex, sexual assaults, and unprotected sex
• trouble with community and campus police
• lower wage potential
• higher chances of alcohol-related traffic crashes and fatalities

The most shocking thing is you can walk into many stores and buy this easily. Being as it is closely associated with its cousin Cannabis it should be a prohibited drug just as cannabis is. Please join us in banning Humulus in this national effort I am calling H.O.P Humulus Organization for Prohibition. Ban this vile and evil weed, please won’t someone please think of the children.

Too Funny for words

Ok I know its been a while since I posted, I promise to increase the frequency of my postings again, I've just been busy. Now on to the post:

The following two stories normally wouldn't make the blog, but they are too funny not to include.

1) Stoner gets Caught:
According to USA Today a Florida man was arrested back in may for housing a grow op. What makes this newsworthy? His name is Robert Stoner.

2) Pot Not Kosher for Passover:
USA Today is on a roll. In another OnDeadline article it was announced that Rabbis in Isreal have decreed that pot is not Kosher during passover, which begs the question, is it Kosher the rest of the year?

Kudos to USA Today for those highly amusing stories.